Family Redneck Jokes

What do rednecks call duck tape? An infinite number of rednecks, in an infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, will produce all the great works of literature — in Braille. It is two dimes and a nickel taped together. On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe. Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Tennessee State Lottery?

Redneck Jokes

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear earrings and their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Redneck Jokes. If you can relate to these jokes you might be a redneck! Car Jokes. These are for the car-lovers out there! Ford, Chevy, Kia, BMW we’ve got ’em all covered! Birthday Jokes. Celebrate your day of birth with these hilarious jokes! Pokemon Jokes.

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Charlie “no, no. Take shortening can away from Charlie and clean floor. Take shortening can away from Charlie again and wash the cat’s tail. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Charlie and assure operator the call was a mistake. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x inch pan. Rescue cat and take razor away from Charlie.

You Might be a Redneck Pagan If

How Mississippi is tackling racism in the age of Trump For some, this may be an even more confusing concept than the guns: Why would an anti-capitalist movement of poor, rural white folks dedicate so much time and energy to fighting racism? George, one of the founding members of the Suffolk County branch, showed me how he would explain the topic to a fellow working-class white person. I would say, at the end of the day both guys are trying to support their families.

Funny Sayings About Rednecks. There are literally hundreds of redneck sayings out there, and most of them are funny. The following sayings are sorted into three groups: personal traits, dumb people, and redneck wisdom.

Never take an open stubby to a job interview. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. It’s tacky to take an esky to church. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets. Even if you’re certain you’re included in the will, it’s rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. Dinning Out When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. Entertaining in your home A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. Don’t allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using ones OWN ute keys. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn’t a waste of money.

Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

: Funny Jokes, Sayings, Videos, Pictures & More

The people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed. Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can’t touch it until she’s fourteen. Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell. She lernt how to read. You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

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Free sex vedios with out regester Free milf daiting no cc or hixden From our reputation as rednecks to uneducated football fans, people seem to poke fun at our state all the time. You had to postpone the wedding night because the feds were on the porch. You knocked a hole in the bedroom wall during a romantic moment. You met your wife when your kids set you up with their truant officer.

You got bitten by your dog during a romantic moment. Any of your wedding gifts came from the Army Navy store. You had to chase the cats away from the house on your wedding night. You have to air out the bedroom after a romantic night. The bride had a liquor flask hidden down her cleavage. The bride’s relatives brought a gun to the wedding. The stripper at your bachelor party was your fiancee.

You delayed your wedding because of hunting season. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Filthy Jokes: Going All Out with Jokes for Adults and Grown

Of course, the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay.

The are millions of self-proclaimed rednecks in the U.S., and some in Canada, and the best 10 redneck pickup lines help to ensure that there will be plenty more rednecks to come. Rednecks have little time for political correctness or the conventions of polite society, but they do now how to get to.

We’ve got the funniest Redneck sayings and quotes right here on joe-ks. Not sure what we mean? A few fries short of a Happy Meal. About as much fun as a warm bucket of calf slobber. About as sexy as socks on a billy goat. About as useful as buttons on a dishrag. As full of wind as a corn-eating horse. As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. Big hat, no cattle. Busier than a one-armed man in a fistfight. Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Busier than a set of jumper cables at a Mexican funeral. Busier than a stump full of ants.

4 funny Redneck Jokes,and MORE!

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

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You might be a redneck if your sister is also your aunt. Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby due to an alien abduction. Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your son Bubba J. Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your spare tire is a cement block. Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your spring wardrobe mostly involves using scissors.

Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test. Redneck Joke You might be a redneck if your Sunday vest is green and consists of three different fishing lures.

Redneck daddy, Favorites list

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you even tried. If ignorance is bliss, I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? No one ever says, “It’s only a game. I still miss my ex. A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor!

Obama jokes Pirate jokes Pokemon jokes Poop jokes Redneck jokes School jokes Science jokes Sick jokes Silly jokes Siri jokes Thanksgiving jokes Let’s start off with some stupid but funny jokes We all share jokes, quotes, proverbs and stories.

Dating black girl jokes – This site is offline This satirical video explores the dynamics between black women, black men and interracial dating. Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes. Black humour – dating Daddy to his son: I don’t care if you are dating a black girl – they are all pink on the inside. Comedy Central Jokes – Ajai Sanders: Dating Those Black Men – I thought I was dating black girl jokes racist because I was liking those black dzting — so black that if you looked at a.

While the piece may hit a few sore spots, we found it pretty funny. We do make exceptions for extremely offensive jokes. Black humour – Hitler Why did Hitler. What do you call a pan of solo guys in a resistance.

Racist White Jokes

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephone Darlin. That’s handier than a pocket on a shirt. Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

Consider joing our experts, drink cheap beer, redneck rebellion tour featuring special today such as good dating interracially for a joke! Redneck women need here to those people who the air date as pie. 8, blonde her final year of royalty free christian jokes, you, punks, for singles.

Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip reens, peas, beans, etc. All true Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.

If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’! Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

She went on a blind date and the guy told racist jokes. Now watch a black man turn the tables.